I continue to read "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times"
and continue to get a totally different view of life.
In the chapter titled, "Hopelessness and Death", (makes you want to jump right in and read, doesn't it?)it says:
"If we're willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we can have the courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation."
Other books that I have read about death and loss leave the reader believing that this sudden feeling of groundlwssness is something to get over not something to become accustom to and, gasp, accepting of.
This book actually teaches that as one turns to the "dharma", the Budhist teachings, one begins to get the "knack of hopelessness".
Sounds like a major downer at face value. But it is really very freeing. It allows the human to be human without falling into despair. I think the despair comes when we are in the midst of this groundlessness, and think, believe, hope, that it will subside and life will make sense again. But when life begins to make too much sense, we become bored and restless.
I keep hoping that soon I will wake up in the morning and not think, "oh shit, another freaking day to muddle through", and then thanking God that He woke me up to the fact that I was just slip-sliding through life unaware, and now I am feeling everything again. Seeing everything again. Writing again. Taking chances again. Saying no to people again. Finding Kathy again.
I only hope I like her when we finally do meet.