Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dear Lucy,
It is 4 am and I can't sleep. Even with the sleeping pill I still take at night, many nights I wake up in the wee hours of the morning wide awake. Thank God I don't have to get up for work.
I got to thinking about Andy Rooney, the guy on 60 minutes who used to have his curmudgeon session at the end of the program.
With all the people doing hair and makeup on him, why didn't anyone say, "dude, we have GOT to do something with those eyebrows, they are obscene."
He wasn't even bald, or we could have surmised that he was planning to use them for a comb over.
I once took my dad to the barber to get a hair cut and the barber asked the man he was working on if he wanted his eyebrows trimmed. The man had eyebrows you could smuggle a terrorist in and he said no. NO? What's in there?
What is it about men and their eyebrows? Is it a macho thing? Like certain species of birds that parade their plumage around to attract females, enormous, wiry eyebrows are supposed to be a turn on?
So, is Andy Rooney trying to hide something? An extra pencil or something? He didn't want to wear a pocket protector to keep his pens in and look dorky so he grew his eyebrows out to keep his pens, and his pocket protector in? Or maybe he was into recycling and had no bins? Plastic and glass in the left eyebrow, cans and aluminum foil in the right?
At 4 in the morning, when you can't sleep and even the dog is snoring, ya gotta wonder.


  1. Used to? Andy Rooney is still on 60 minutes to this very day!

    I have obscenely hairy toes. I keep them that way on purpose because they make me feel like a Hobbit.