Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dear Lucy,
One of the toughest struggles I have been going through over the last five years, with Anne’s illness, our breakup, her death, Suzie’s son’s death and her subsequent arrival at my doorstep with a TV, $200.00 and a snoot-full of PTSD, is my faith in God.

As I question everything I have learned and taught to others as God’s desire that we have abundant life, I become fearful that I will lose my faith in God or that I will become so bitter toward God I will never recover. Surely, what I have been going through these past five years is not God’s idea of “abundant life’?

While reading a magazine called Spirituality and Health, I came across an answer to another traveler’s question about doubt:

“Belief, not doubt, is the enemy of faith, trapping you in a sacred ‘ism’ while
blinding you to the divine Is. Don’t erase doubt; embrace it.
Doubt, if it is allowed to ripen, strips you of certainty and awakens you to a compassionate curiosity rooted in a humble not-knowing that is the hallmark of mature faith.
Belief tries to shut curiosity down: no need to look at what is when you know
what is supposed to be. But faith thrives on curiosity, encouraging you to
embrace the unknown of the next moment without the baggage of the last moment.
So befriend your doubt, and give it free rein. Let certainty melt in the
fire of not-knowing, allow it to teach you how to live without certainty,
trusting in What Is, because there is nothing else.”

I had always been taught that as a Christian, my life was like a fishbowl; always being watched by Christians and non Christians to see if I will falter in my faith. Some preachers go on to say that Christians are the only Jesus they will ever see in this world.
That’s a heavy burden to carry.
So, gentle reader, as I fumble, fall, curse, waffle and question my faith in God and Jesus, be advised that I am not the poster-child for Christianity. The kind of Christianity that says everything is all right, can be explained by the Bible, or that has all the answers to life’s tough questions.
You are on your own to make your tough faith decisions, and that’s a load off my mind. :-)



  1. While there may be a "God" or power or energy force that holds things together, I believe it's a far cry from the "Christian God" depicted in the bible.

    Getting past faith, often called blind faith, will allow you the opportunity to look at things with a more discerning eye.

    You may feel alone at times, but know that you have been hardwired to succeed. You can make the hard decisions of life.

    You can be a moral and ethical person without living in fear of hell and damnation from a god sitting up in the clouds watching your every move and waiting to condemn you for being the very humane you were designed to be. (perhaps a run-on sentence!!)

    Dump the guilt. Things you did in the past, are just that, in the past. You can't change them now. Live today as best as you can and get the most joy from life as you can today. Because tomorrow "today" will also be in the past and can't be changed.

    You are responsible for your own happiness. You've got to do what makes you happy. If being a servant to others makes you happy, than by all means go for it. If it is making you miserable, get out. Our time on this tiny planet is short. Don't be miserable.

    With love,

  2. We gotta' talk. :)

    Pulling terminology from John Shelby Spong, I now consider myself a "Believer in Exile".

    What does that mean? Well, it's essentially the acceptance that I, as a postmodern and fully conscious person (and a science nerd) simply cannot accept certain parts of the mythology that surrounds Jesus.

    Based on what can be reasonably determined with the historical critical method, the mythology of Christianity renders the 'religion' of Christianity null and void.

    But while the 'religion' of Christianity is-no-more in my mind, the primary human-to-human mission of Christianity I still find unique and inspiring; and worthy of devoting myself to.

    Books to read: Misquoting Jesus (Ehrman), Why Christianity must change or die (Spong), Jesus for the Non-Religious (Spong), Jesus Interrupted (Ehrman), God's Problem (Ehrman).

    I have several of these in MP3 if you're interested! :)