Monday, July 6, 2009

Back on the Wagon

Dear Lucy,

I haven't written lately and you can blame that on the weather. It is not often that we have sunny, hot weather before July 4th, and in fact, most July 4th's I have experienced here in Washington have been rainy.

But, today is cloudy again with a chance of rain for the next 4 days. Ah well.

Since coming home I have made the decision to get sober again. I "went out" 3 years ago after 15 years of sobriety.

It isn't so much that I am drinking too much. It is more that I am drinking for the wrong reasons and that I am afraid it is having an effect on my ability to get through all this grief.

So, I have been going to AA meetings again right now for the stability that they provide. It gives me a place to go every day if need be where being squirrely is the norm. Where being depressed, angry, unsettled, and just uncomfortable in my own skin is understood.

Taking this step brought with it many other steps. I am having to avoid those places and people who may trigger my drinking, and that is difficult to explain to friends. I am having to be really honest with my feelings and diligent to not just get on my usual track of stuffing my feelings, putting on a happy face and faking it just to make other people comfortable.

I am back to living, "One Day at a Time".


1 comment:

  1. will find yourself underneath all that has maimed isn't just your life experiences that make you who you's how you trip, blunder, and eventually work your way through those experiences that really shows you who you are and who it is that God wants you to be. The Refiner's fire is damned uncomfortable, but you aren't in there to be are in there to become come forth a new being. I have your back if you ever need me to. I love you Kath.