I am continuing to read through the book, "Living when a Loved One Dies", and working through the all the myriad feelings encompassed in the word grief.
Here is an excerpt from the book:
"If only I had...What we all "shoulda, coulda, woulda" in situations had we known what the future held.
treated the one I loved
called the doctor sooner.
Understood the full extent of the illness.
taken better care of
him or her.
not lost my temper.
expressed my affection
Would I have stayed with Anne and not moved out and called it quits? I think I would have.
Had I known that a year after I moved out, she would be dead, I could have stuck it out. I would have stuck it out and likely had a whole different attitude about the whole thing.
I would have cherished her instead of hating what she was putting me through and hating the person she had become.
I would have spent more time with her rather than trying to get away from her.
I would have listened more. I would have tried harder to make every day count for all it was worth, rather than just try and get through another day.
I would have.
I should have.
I could have.
But I didn't. And it's over. And I did the best I could. And now I have to live with it. And get over it.
And move on...