Guilt

Dear Lucy,

I am continuing to read through the book, "Living when a Loved One Dies", and working through the all the myriad feelings encompassed in the word grief.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

"If only I had...
treated the one I loved
more kindly.
called the doctor sooner.
Understood the full extent of the illness.
taken better care of
him or her.
not lost my temper.
expressed my affection
more frequently."

What we all "shoulda, coulda, woulda" in situations had we known what the future held.

Would I have stayed with Anne and not moved out and called it quits? I think I would have.

Had I known that a year after I moved out, she would be dead, I could have stuck it out. I would have stuck it out and likely had a whole different attitude about the whole thing.

I would have cherished her instead of hating what she was putting me through and hating the person she had become.

I would have spent more time with her rather than trying to get away from her.

I would have listened more. I would have tried harder to make every day count for all it was worth, rather than just try and get through another day.

I would have.

I should have.

I could have.

But I didn't. And it's over. And I did the best I could. And now I have to live with it. And get over it.

And move on...

--Kathy